Jouney
by Jacova
Summary: Spike's chip is deactivated - Now what? B/S


Synopsis: Spike gets the chip out of his head…Now what

Disclaimer: Spike, Buffy and the gang were not created by me. If they were, then I'd be rich, and I'm not. Nuff said.

BACKGROUND: This story takes place a few months after "The Gift". Buffy has been resurrected, doesn't really matter how. She and Spike have gotten much closer over the past few months, but they are in no way a couple. Spike helps her, she helps him. Buffy considers him a friend – she trusts him. She may even have feelings for him that she is starting to admit to herself. Even though she would never admit this to her friends, they can see it happening. They (for the most part) have accepted Spike as well. Now our story begins. 

We are in a cellar of some sort. Buffy and Spike are fighting off two, very large demons, and appear to be losing. They are clearly helping each other. As the fighting continues, Spike is thrown across the room, hitting his head and is knocked unconscious. This makes Buffy angry and she steps up her fighting to kill one of the demons. The other gives up and leaves. Buffy goes over to Spike. 

BUFFY: Spike? Are you ok?

No answer. She pats him on the face, trying to wake him up. 

BUFFY: Spike? 

Finally, she slaps him across the face really hard. This wakes him 

SPIKE: Ow! 

Spike rubs his cheek before realizing that his real pain is in his head. 

BUFFY: Sorry. Are you ok? 

SPIKE: Yeah, I think so. (still rubbing his head.) Except some bitch slapped me really hard on the cheek (Spike pouts.) 

BUFFY: aw, poor baby 

Buffy mocks him with a kiss on the cheek. They hear a noise outside. 

BUFFY: I better go investigate 

Spike tries to get up, but suddenly the pain in his head gets worse, as if the chip were reacting to him hurting a human. Buffy holds him as he crunches over wincing and moaning with pain. It stops. 

SPIKE: Now what the bloody hell was that? 

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The Magic Shop. Giles and Anya are behind the counter, helping a customer. Spike and Xander are looking at some stuff, being "boys". Spike makes a crack that Xander finds funny, but we don't hear any of it. Willow and Tara enter, carrying 2 pizzas. 

"Dinner!"

Everyone gathers around the table, except for Anya who stays by the register.

XANDER: "thank god, I'm starved."

Buffy enters from the back, where she was obviously working out. Spike growls at her lovingly. She looks at him disgustedly, but lets him sit next to her.

BUFFY: How's your head?

SPIKE: Better

They are all eating, and no one is talking. They hear a noise coming from the front of the store. Spike and Buffy jump up to see what the problem is. Through the bookcase they see a man in a black mask, holding a gun to Anya's head. He is robbing the place. 

BUFFY: Boy, did you pick the wrong store to rob. Everyone, stay here, and watch in case I need back-up.

Buffy quietly creeps around, to where the thief can't see her. Anya is nervously putting money into a bag, her eyes not leaving Buffy. Buffy grabs the robber from behind. They struggle, and his gun goes off, breaking some jars on the shelf. At the sound of the gunshot there are screams from customers and 3 more men in black enter the magic shop. The scoobies run in to join the fight. Xander and Anya take one, Willow and Tara take another, and Spike takes the third. Spike knocks his guy out, and the others get badly bruised before deciding to retreat, leaving the moneybag behind. Buffy goes over to the man Spike was fighting, takes off his mask, and examines him.

BUFFY: He's human. Spike….

Spike just looks at her, but doesn't say anything. He suddenly realizes why the chip went off earlier. He looks at everyone, with a growing sense of hunger. Everyone is staring at him. He has to get out of there. Buffy watches him fearfully. As Spike leaves, she knows exactly what he is going to do, and what is happening. They all just stand there, speechless, staring at the door.

Spike goes out into the woods, at first just curious to see if his old talents were really back. He sees a young woman, walking alone. 

SPIKE: Hey little girl.

He creeps up behind her. A little frightened, she picks up her pace, but he's right along with her. 

SPIKE: Didn't anyone ever tell you it's dangerous to walk alone in these parts at night? 

Spike grabs the girl's wrist and pulls her toward him 

GIRL: (Now she is really frightened.) What do you want?

SPIKE: Well, ya see, dear. It's just that I haven't had any fresh eatin' in almost two years. 

The girl is trembling and screams as he turns to VampFace, lowers his head to her neck, and cautiously takes a bite out of her neck. No Pain. He sucks for a bit, but not enough to kill the girl. Feeling rejuvenated, he throws his arms into the air, releasing the girl. 

SPIKE: Ha ha! I'm back! 

The girl stumbles and runs away, holding her neck. He lets her go. 

SPIKE: I'm back Buffy! Ha ha ha!

He starts running, as if he were to go tell Buffy the good news. It doesn't take him long to realize that Buffy won't think this is good news, however. 

SPIKE: Bloody Hell! 

He thinks for a moment, but shrugs and runs off, disappearing into the night.

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Buffy's House. Buffy and Dawn are sitting at the kitchen table, eating dinner. 

DAWN: Is Spike coming over tonight? 

Spike had been making regular appearances at the Summers home. Both Dawn and Buffy had become accustomed to this ritual. Buffy hadn't seen Spike since the incident in the magic shop. 

BUFFY: Not tonight.

DAWN: Tomorrow? 

BUFFY: Dawn, just finish your chicken.

An uneasy Buffy gets up to clear her own plate. We can see that she has hardly touched her food. Dawn can sense Buffy's restlessness. 

DAWN: Did something happen between you two? Did you have a fight? 

BUFFY: (forcing a smile) Dawn that's ridiculous; all we ever do is fight.

Buffy looks at Dawn. She knows how fond they were of each other. She tries to explain gently 

BUFFY: Spike isn't going to come around here any more 

DAWN: But… 

BUFFY: No buts, Dawn. And I don't want you hanging around with him anymore either. No visiting his crypt. No running into him on the street, nothing! You see him, you run the other way. 

Dawn doesn't understand. But the passion in Buffy's voice has made her choke up. She says softly 

DAWN: Spike would never hurt me 

BUFFY: (Softening a bit) Dawn, please. Just trust me on this one.

Dawn shakes her head no and runs upstairs. Buffy doesn't have the strength to follow her. She feels Dawn's pain. She sinks down in the chair and starts to cry.

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The Bronze. Xander, Anya and Tara are sitting at a table. Willow comes to join them. 

XANDER: How's Buffy? 

WILLOW: Not so good. I don't think she'll be joining us tonight.

XANDER: We have to figure out a way to help her. This is unhealthy

ANYA: What can we do?

(Silence. No one has any ideas)

TARA: Do you think it's true? About Spike?

WILLOW: I think if it wasn't true we would have seen him by now. He's sort of become a regular around here 

XANDER: And now he's probably out killing people as we speak.

WILLOW: We don't know that for sure

XANDER: Well, Buffy certainly seems to think so. Why else would she be so worried about…

WILLOW: I don't think it'll come to that.

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Outside. Night. Spike is sitting up under a tree, staring into space. He has a whiskey bottle in one hand and a cigarette in another. He appears to be talking to someone. 

SPIKE: I don't understand it either. I mean, why can't I just be happy being a vampire again, it's all I really wanted anyway. (pause) OK, so it's not ALL I ever wanted. (he takes a swig of whisky) Buffy won't understand. She doesn't see killing as a need. (pause) I do see it as a need – I need to kill to survive. (pause – at these pauses Spike seems to be listening to someone saying something) I know I've survived these past two years without killing, but…it's like you…and that acorn. (We finally see that he's talking to a squirrel sitting next to him eating an acorn) Let say someone told you that you couldn't hunt for acorns anymore. You could only eat…. peanuts. What would you do? (Pause, another view of the squirrel. Spike is angry at the "response") Well I can't live on peanuts! (Spike takes the acorn and throws it. The squirrel leaves. Spike moans.) What's wrong with me? It's like my killer instinct, what has driven me for centuries, is gone. I couldn't even kill that girl. (Spike gets up determined. He stumbles a little as he has been drinking) I can kill! I will! I'll show them that the Big Bad is back. I haven't gone soft." (Spike disappears into the woods. We hear a girl scream and then "Damn it!!!" A girl runs towards the camera, hand on her neck, crying but very much alive.)

----------------------------

Xander's Apt. Giles is standing at the counter, reading a book. Xander, Anya, Tara and Willow are watching him, eagerly. Giles looks up at them, and takes his glasses off.

GILES: There's no account of a vampire with a chip in his head, so there really isn't any way to tell what he might do, if in fact the chip was deactivated. 

XANDER: If in fact? You mean we aren't sure that's what happened?

GILES: We are fairly certain, but we won't know for sure until he comes back

WILLOW: What if he doesn't?

TARA: It has been 3 weeks. He could be in another country by now

ANYA: Feeding off innocent Europeans

XANDER: Maybe…we should try to find him…

GILES: (shaking his head) It's too dangerous. We have no idea what he is capable of. It's very possible that he hasn't come back here because he doesn't know what he is capable of

WILLOW: You mean he is afraid of killing us?

GILES: Not us, as much as Buffy. (Silence) I wish she would come back to train. She's been so shut down since he left.

XANDER: At least she started patrolling again. That's a good step...right?

(Giles nods)

WILLOW: I think this whole Spike thing hit her harder than she thought it would. She really started to trust him. They were getting close…

GILES: A little too close

XANDER: But we all saw the change in him. We all trusted him.

(They all nod)

WILLOW: Giles? Do you think it's possible for Spike to remain trustworthy…even without the chip?

GILES: It's hard to say. The chip wasn't a soul. It simply struck a nerve whenever he attempted to cause pain. His closeness to Buffy, and well…to us all…I don't think that was the direct result of the chip. There was some humanity in him, as strange as it sounds…now he just has to decide for himself the kind of man…er…vampire he wants to be.

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Buffy's house. Buffy is sitting alone in the living room, watching TV. The doorbell rings. She goes to the door and opens it. 

WILLOW: How are you doing, Buffy?

BUFFY: I'm ok, I guess. 

She gestures for Willow to come in. She does, but they stand close to the door.

WILLOW: We thought you'd be out patrolling. Xander and Anya are out looking for you.

BUFFY: (Shrugs) Not really in the mood to slay any vampires.

WILLOW: Especially one particular vampire?

Willow read her mind, and she's in no mood to fight her thoughts.

BUFFY: Have you seen him? At all?

WILLOW: Not for a few weeks…since…

BUFFY: Maybe he's left town. 

WILLOW: (Echoing Giles' theory) Maybe he's avoiding us because he's afraid of what he might do.

BUFFY: Will, he's a vampire – he doesn't have feelings like being afraid.

WILLOW: He sure does have those feelings. Buffy, are you forgetting how great he was with Dawn, with you? Just because he CAN kill again doesn't mean he will. 

BUFFY: Then where has he been? Why doesn't he want to see me?

WILLOW: (not sure how to answer) I don't know…look, Buffy. Why don't you come patrolling with us. Maybe it'll help you get your mind off of…stuff.

BUFFY: I appreciate your concern Will, but I really just want to be alone tonight. 

Willow nods as if to say "ok". She gives Buffy a hug, and opens the door.

WILLOW: If you need a friend, you know where we'll be.

Buffy nods. She closes the door behind Willow, and goes back to the TV. We can see now that she is watching a black and white vampire movie. 

BUFFY: Hm. Not very realistic.

The doorbell rings again. Buffy jumps up.

BUFFY: Willow, I thought I told you that…..

She opens the door. But there is no Willow. Instead she sees a familiar face with bleached blond hair, wearing tight black pants and that infamous leather duster. He is in "bad boy" stance. She stares at him. 

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The Cemetery. Xander and Anya had been looking for Buffy, and meet at a grave.

XANDER: No luck?

ANYA: Nothing. 

XANDER: Me neither. I wonder if Willow found her

ANYA: Poor Buffy. I don't know what I'd do if you left me.

XANDER: Well, that's not gonna happen (he plays with the ring on her finger, they kiss). 

Willow finds them. She clears her throat to make her presence known. The embrace ends.

XANDER: Oh, hey Will. Did you find Buffy?

WILLOW: Yeah, she's home. She didn't really want any company.

XANDER: How'd she seem?

WILLOW: She's ok, actually. I think she is starting to deal with the fact that she's not gonna see him again.

ANYA: I think she will

XANDER: What?

ANYA: I think Spike will come back. He loves Buffy, like I love you. I could never be away from you for longer than 3 weeks.

Xander and Willow look at each other, as if they are worried that Anya's words are true.

WILLOW: Well, if he does come back, I just hope that it's not to kill her

Silence. The three of them just stand there, not knowing what to say

WILLOW: Well, there isn't much action out here. I think I'm going to turn in.

XANDER: Yeah, us too. I guess Buffy had the right idea about staying home. No Vampires out tonight.

They scatter.

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Cut to Spike. Buffy is just staring at him. There is a look of fear in her eyes that Spike had never seen before, not even when he was really bad. Buffy had never been afraid of him, at least she never let him know it. This is a new sensation for Spike. It hurts him that she feels that way, but he plays it cool.

SPIKE: Relax Slayer, I'm not Angeles. (He walks through the door, brushing by Buffy's shoulder. Buffy does not take her eyes off him) No de-invitation spell, I'm touched. (He makes himself comfortable in the armchair in the living room.)

BUFFY: What did you mean by that?

SPIKE: Oh, you know, love. The de-invite spell. You'd have your friend Will….

BUFFY: (cutting him off) I mean what you said about Angel. (Buffy keeps her distance) What did that mean?

SPIKE: Ah, well, you see, you're afraid of me now because of what happened to your Angel. Just when you thought you were happy he went all evil on your ass. But you don't have to worry about that happening to me.

BUFFY: You mean because you don't have a soul.

SPIKE: No. Well…yeah, there's that. But what I mean is that I wasn't "cursed" with a soul. (Buffy isn't sure she understands him.) When Angeles lost his soul, he also lost his ability to love. This (Pointing to his head) didn't give me the ability to love, This (pointing to his heart) did. (He gets up and goes over to Buffy. He points to her heart.) This did. 

They stare into each other's eyes for a minute, Buffy backs away.

SPIKE: The chip only made it so I couldn't kill. 

BUFFY: And now you can

SPIKE: Yeah, well, technically. (He softens his look. The cocky approach wasn't getting him anywhere anyway.)

BUFFY: Technically?

SPIKE: Buffy, I (he turns away from her) I couldn't do it. I tried, I really did. I wanted to get back to my old ways. I went hunting, like in the old days. Went for some fresh meat, some fresh blood. But when it came down to it, I couldn't do it. (He turns back to her) I couldn't kill an innocent human. Deep down, I didn't even want to. (Buffy just watches him, she is not sure what to make of this). You don't believe me.

BUFFY: I want to believe you Spike. But I just don't know. I mean, since I've known you you've gone from the most dangerous vampire I've ever met to…well…to a decent, almost human-like being. I don't know what to believe.

SPIKE: (grabs her arms, a little too forcefully) If you ever cared for me at all, if you have even the slightest affection for me, look into my eyes and know that I am telling the truth. (he is almost begging now) Please Buffy, you're all I have left.

Buffy looks into his eyes. She could get lost in those eyes, and often did. If it weren't for the cold hands holding her very warm body she would swear that he was human. In his eyes she can see fear, frustration, love, sincerity. At first she does not want to believe.

BUFFY: Spike, I know that you have feelings for me and I believe that those feelings are sincere, but…

SPIKE: But what?

Buffy paused. She had gone over this conversation dozens of times, every possible scenario. What she would say to him if he came back to her, what she would do if he tried to kill her. Thousands of different scenarios, and she always came back to this one. The weeks that he had been gone were a real eye opener. She missed him. She had come to rely on him, not only to help her fight evil, but to be there for her. She missed his warped sense of humor, his sarcastic nature, his mood swings. As she stared at the blue eyed vampire, impatiently waiting for her to speak, she got chills down her spine. He was so gentle, so vulnerable. She really did love him. If she hadn't realized it before this moment, she knew it now. Suddenly everything that she had planned to say to him was gone, and she just began speaking.

BUFFY: You scare me. You scare me so much. I've already had a boyfriend who turned evil on me, I don't think I can go through that again. (Spike's eyes light up at the word "boyfriend")

SPIKE: Who said anything about…

BUFFY: I know where this is going, Spike. The chip is out. You're all dangerous again, but you chose me over evil. Spike, that's huge. It's like going against your nature – for me. 

SPIKE: I've changed a lot because of you, I won't deny that. But there is something else. Something that even I don't understand. A more powerful drive in me that wouldn't let me kill.

BUFFY: It's called a conscience.

SPIKE: (annoyed) Vampires aren't supposed to have a conscience

BUFFY: Vampires aren't supposed to help vampire slayers.

This comment makes Spike smile. They stare into each other's eyes. They have had these moments before, but never quite so intense. There was something different now. There was nothing holding Spike back anymore from killing her, and she knew it. But for the first time since he showed up on her doorstep, she wasn't afraid. She let him take her into his arms.

SPIKE: I suppose vampires aren't supposed to kiss vampire slayers either.

Buffy shakes her head slowly, and as Spike's face closes into hers, she angles her head to the perfect position. Their lips meet. This is the first kiss they experience that isn't driven by passion, or pity or some spell. It is driven by truth, by love. The camera cuts to Dawn, sitting on the stairs. She has been watching most of the scene. She has a huge smile on her face. Not only was she right about Spike, but finally her sister can see it too. Cut back to Spike and Buffy, still kissing.

FADE OUT


End file.
